


You're Changing, I Can't Stand This

by OiSugaShit (Rare_pair_princess)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Also lot's of angst, Angst, Asexual heteroromantic Shimizu Kiyoko, Because I don't know many people who don't, Child Neglect, Even though I have three chapters already completed, F/M, I'll honestly probably end up deleting this work, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Oblivious Oikawa Tooru, Pining Sugawara Koushi, Pining Tanaka Ryuunosuke, They all have shitty parents, They're all really pretty, mentions of drug abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:41:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25130305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rare_pair_princess/pseuds/OiSugaShit
Summary: Shimizu, Tooru, and Koushi have been friends since they were four years old.Since before everything went wrong.They protect each other; they need each other.They know each other. This will never change.(But what if it does?)
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	You're Changing, I Can't Stand This

**Author's Note:**

> Ignore the summary, it'll change.

Shimizu Kiyoko only had three constants in her life. While her mother’s friends and partners never stayed the same, while the drugs scattered around the house disappeared and reappeared by the day, while contact from family and source of her mother’s income changed every week, she had three things that never changed.

The first was something that she despised. Her beauty was a lovely curse, as her mother told her so often. She looked older than she truly was, more mature, more alluring. Her beauty and the threat it posed to herself had been prominent since she was thirteen and a car full of high school boys whooped and hollered and catcalled her with obscene phrases.

She heard somewhere that beauty attracts beauty, and maybe that’s true. It would explain her second constant, a much happier, safer one for her: that Oikawa Tooru and Sugawara Koushi would always be around to annoy, support, and protect her. Not that she was weak and needed protection; everyone who knew Shimizu knew that she could protect herself. It was a rule, a very spoken rule, that all three protected each other, because protection is something that everyone needs, whether it be from something or someone, or their own selves.

For Shimizu, though, it was the latter. Whenever she felt lost and alone, scared and worried, whenever she felt too much like an object, whenever she got too anxious to even speak or felt like her mask of the cool, dependable manager was irreversibly cracking, Tooru and Suga were  _ always,  _ and  _ would always  _ be there to help her help herself.

The trio has always been close, ever since all three of them met at the tender age of four. This was before Shimizu’s father left with a girl ten years her mother’s junior. Before Tooru’s family refused to accept him for himself, and so he sought for validation and acceptance in older strangers online _.  _ Before Suga had gotten obsessed with taking care of everyone around him to completely forget about how helpless he was for himself.

Before Shimizu's mom started bringing home new strangers and more drugs every night.

Before Tooru’s parent's expectations of him climbed so high he started to crack under the weight.

(Not before Suga’s parents would leave for who knows where and come back who knows when. That was one of Suga’s constants and had been so since his birth. However, back then, he was left with a cheap, 13-year-old babysitter who would sit him in front of the tv while she scrolled through her phone and ate from the mostly empty fridge). 

Now, Tooru and Suga were cool and calm for Shimizu when she herself couldn’t be. Shimizu and Suga (tried to) showed Tooru his worth when he couldn’t see it (it was getting harder and harder). Tooru and Shimizu took care of Suga when he didn’t take care of himself.

They all needed each other, and that was the second constant of her life. 

The third constant of her life was Tanaka Ryuunosuke. 

The bald-headed, loud-mouthed, rough around every edge, Tanaka Ryuunosuke. Scrappy, athletic, always picking a fight, Tanaka Ryuunosuke. Hot-headed, slacker, protective  _ Tanaka Ryuunosuke.  _

Shimizu doesn’t need him- in fact, she doesn’t even  _ want  _ him. He’s loud, he’s obnoxious, he’s constantly picking fights and shouting cringe-inducing insults. He gets fired up so  _ easily  _ and takes forever to calm down. He’s not the kind of guy she prefers to spend time with, but-

_ But.  _

But he’s still another constant, telling her every day how beautiful she is, how  _ cool _ she is, how oh so  _ smart  _ she is. It’s a constant she wishes would go away, for the sole reason of she doesn’t know how to feel about it. 

It’s not like she’ll ever be able to like him back.

  
  


* * *

The scene was gentle and serene. The three best friends were scattered around Suga’s room, gentle light flooding in through the window after a long day at school.

Suga’s eyes lit up as he lifted his gaze to meet Shimizu’s. He was always so expressive. “I have an idea!”

“Hm? What is it?” Shimizu inquired, knowing damn well what Suga was thinking. She had been thinking the same, after all.

Suga hopped to his feet, and as he sped walked out of the room, Tooru reached out to pinch his ass, grinning at the little yelp and playful glare Suga gave. Shimizu swatted Tooru’s arm gently.

“Tooru,” She warned, stifling a smile as she flexed her fingers around the warm mug in her hands. Tooru gave a cheeky smile and a peace sign, his signature little ‘move’, and Suga walked back into the room with his laptop, balancing a few bags of chips on top of it.

“Movie night?” Suga suggested with a bright smile, stepping over Tooru’s outstretched legs. The brunette was sitting on the carpeted floor, back against Suga’s bed with his own laptop set on his thighs while he typed away, probably on some complicated assignment for one of his honors classes. Kiyoko herself was sitting on the chair in front of Suga’s desk, which was positioned directly in front of the opened window that was letting a steady breeze of fresh air into the room.

“Of course,” She responded like there couldn’t be any answer. Because there couldn’t be, really. Suga grinned in response, and threw the materials in his arms onto his bed. It was large, a king-size, so they could all fit pretty easily- when Tooru didn’t insist he needed three-quarters of it all for himself and his long outstretched limbs. 

“Obviously,” Tooru scoffed, closing his laptop and setting it gently to his side. Suga huffed a small amused chuckle.

“Obviously,” He agreed. “So, it’s Shimi’s turn to choose what we watch, right?”

  
  


* * *

Shimizu blinked her heavy eyes open, dreary sleepiness still clinging to them as she glanced over to her side, where there was a steady glow of dim light showing through the covers that Tooru had pulled over his head. She sighed, almost inaudibly, and turned over onto her side to face Suga. She bit her lip, wondering if she should shake him awake and make him take Tooru’s phone, make the brunette  _ sleep,  _ and not…  _ this.  _

But she knew that Tooru would do what he wants, and Suga very much needed sleep. So she pulled the gray comforter up to her chin, slipped her hand under her pillow, and let sleep pull her under once again. 

  
  
  
  


Shimizu woke up to the usual scene when they had sleepovers here at Suga’s place (which was often, at least three days a week. Shimizu once stayed for two weeks straight, but Tooru’s parents don’t like him gone for so long). 

Shimizu herself was still in the middle, but was no longer covered by any blanket, courtesy of Suga, who was completely cocooned in the soft gray. He looked like a gray caterpillar, with his disheveled silver hair and all of his limbs gone, completely and wholly wrapped in the blanket. 

This happened more times than not, but it still made Shimizu snort softly. 

She looked over to her other side, where Tooru-

Tooru was still on his phone. 

Shimizu raised a thin eyebrow and grabbed her own phone to check the time, frowning when she saw the white numbers spell out  _ 7:02. _ Usually, he was passed out by now, asleep by 4 in the morning at the  _ latest.  _

Suga was  _ not  _ going to be happy about that, but at least Tooru had the excuse of it not being a school night.

“Tooru,” She whispered, now sitting up. The brunette was laying on his stomach, propped up by his elbows, with drooping eyes. She was ignored, or not heard.  _ “Tooru,”  _ She hissed a bit louder, still not wanting to wake up Suga. He only got real sleep when they were with him, which as of late hadn’t been as often as usual.

_ “What?!”  _ He snapped, loudly, making Suga stir. His eyes never left his phone, as he typed on his screen, opening his camera roll. Shimizu doesn’t know how he can do that for almost eight hours straight, but she tries not to judge.

“Shh!” She hushed, lightly swatting Tooru’s shoulder. “Do you have any idea what time it is?! Suga’s going to wake up soon, and if he sees that you’re still on your phone-”

Tooru rolled his eyes, and onto his side, facing the wall and away from Shimizu.

“-he’s not going to be happy, and you’re going to be more annoyed than you’d be if you’d just sleep. You only have volleyball practice later today, and you can’t go there looking half dead. Not to mention, you’ll get bags under your eyes.”

At the mention of the bags under his eyes, Tooru’s fingers ceased movement and hovered over the screen. Shimizu reached over and grabbed the device from his hands, turning it off before she saw the contents on the screen. She would really rather not see. She reached over Suga, who was slightly snoring now, a small, thin trail of drool traveling down his chin, and dropped the phone onto the floor. Tooru was pouting, but honestly looked a little grateful.

For a few moments, at least. Then:

“Why does he always steal the blanket?!” The tall brunette whined tiredly, reaching over Kiyoko’s lap to grab onto the blanket wrapped around Suga, tugging as hard as he could. Suga’s quiet snoring ceased as his entire body was pulled over Shimizu, so that Suga was now in the middle, but his eyes stayed closed.

Shimizu smirked, scooting off of the bed. There were three ways this could go, and one of them included a fight. She was sure Tooru was much too tired for that to happen, but she had been in between their roughhousing before. She’d rather that not happen again. 

Suga stayed asleep, though, even as Tooru tried to find where the blanket ended and began so that he could rip it off of him and steal it for himself. His hands groped until he finally flipped Suga onto his stomach and found the corner of the blanket, and he tugged again, wrapping some blanket around himself and, in the process, pulling Suga flush against his chest, clearly too tired and uncaring about it to push Suga away and take only the blanket.

Shimizu watched them, watched Suga’s cheeks flush with color, and smiled. If Tooru had been more awake, been his scarily observational self, he would have known. 

Suga wasn’t a deep enough sleeper to stay asleep while being practically  _ manhandled  _ like that.

Shimizu decided to let them sleep- or, in Suga’s case, enjoy the moment- and walked quietly out of the bedroom. There were no parents to greet, to thank for letting her stay over, or to offer them breakfast. There was a thick yellow envelope that she knew held a stack of money, more than enough to hold Suga over while his parents were gone. There was no little note saying where they were, no number on the fridge for emergencies, no evidence that anyone besides Sugawara even lived here anymore. There was only his backpack on the floor by the door, only his and his friends’ shoes, only his manga volumes and his dorky figurines on the table in the living room.

Shimizu didn’t pay too much attention to this, however. In the past, she used to, but not now. It wouldn’t do any good. 

So she simply made her way to the kitchen and checked what ingredients remained from when they last went shopping. (Yes, they. Shimizu pretty much lived here, at this point, only leaving when her mother requested her presence at home or when Suga’s parents actually came home).

She checked her phone, scrolled through her Instagram and checked a few Snapchats. She bit her lip, not knowing whether or not to open the snap from none other than Tanaka.

On one hand, at least she knew it wouldn’t be a dick pic. He was quite the pervert, but not… not a pervert. If that makes sense.

One the other hand, she’s worried that even  _ opening  _ it, whether she responds or not, will encourage the man to continue pursuing her. 

_ Then again… _ it didn’t matter. He would pursue her whether she encouraged it, or not. He couldn’t seem to get the hint that she  _ couldn’t. Do. Romance. _

She just couldn’t. And if she could, it would be with someone like Suga, or maybe even Tooru. Someone safe. Level-headed, predictable, and  _ safe.  _

She turned off her phone and slid it into her back pocket, pulling out ingredients needed to make a simple miso soup.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Sugawara felt his heart beat in his chest and echo in his ears. He was warm, pleasantly so, and the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t  _ stop fucking fluttering.  _

It’s not like Sugawara and Tooru never cuddle- all three of them do, often, they had even done so during the movie- but right now it was only Sugawara and Tooru, in bed, with Suga being held against Tooru’s chest with a grip that suggested Tooru thought that he belonged nowhere else.

That’s not what the grip suggested, Suga knew. But it was fun to imagine.

What the grip  _ actually  _ suggested was that Tooru was a cuddly person, and wanted a blanket, and Suga had the blanket, and Suga had made sure that he was practically a dead weight while Tooru dragged him, in hopes that something like this would happen.

Yes, it was selfish. But when he was around Tooru, he couldn’t help but be selfish, sometimes, and honestly, it was  _ Tooru’s  _ fault. Tooru’s fault for being so perfect and alluring and pretty and  _ sexy _ and it was  _ his  _ fault Suga lost some common sense or trains of thought around him. 

It’s not  _ Suga’s  _ fault it’s so easy to love Tooru, it’s the brunette’s.

Suga wished that there weren't a few layers of the blanket separating them. Maybe if he closed his eyes, and concentrated hard enough, it would go away.

…

_ Nope,  _ Suga sighed.  _ Still there. Ah, I can hear Shimizu in the kitchen, I should go help. _

Suga was the best cook out of the three- he’s had to make his own meals since he was almost ten- but Shimizu was definitely catching up. (Tooru, not so much).

Suga wiggled, to get out of the blanket cocoon and Tooru’s hold. Then wiggled some more, to little avail. His arms and legs were still trapped, after all. He sighed, not wanting to wake up Tooru, but…

Well, it’s not like it mattered anyways. They all went to sleep at about the same time- well, Tooru stayed up on his phone for a little while, most likely. The point was, they’d both slept for long enough.

Suga rolled, heaving his body on top of Tooru’s. He was lighter than than the brunette- he usually lacked three full meals a day and was shorter, after all- but he was still heavy enough to elicit a little _oomf_ from Tooru.

“Ah, Kou-chan, what the fuck,” He mumbled, blinking drowsily like it was the hardest thing in the world to wake up. Suga was now laying on top of him, like a caterpillar on a branch, chin hooked over the brunette’s shoulder.

“Untangle me, fiend!” Suga demanded, squirming. Tooru let out a high-pitched whine and kicked while rolling over onto his stomach.

To be fair, it did successfully untangle Suga from his soft, plush prison. 

Also to be fair, it felt like his ass bruised from the fall, and that was  _ not  _ very pleasant. 

“Tooru!” He yelped as he landed on the ground, completely blanketless. The only response he got was a grumble, instead of the usual giggle that came with succeeding in pushing Suga off of the bed.

Suga frowned. “How late did you stay up?” He asked, suspicion and accusation heavy in his tone. With most people, he tends to ask things like this kindly and politely. Kind and polite didn’t get you anywhere with someone as stubborn and manipulative as Tooru.

Tooru moaned, covering his head with the blanket. “Just let me sleep, Suga-chan!”

Suga’s thick grey eyebrows pinched together as he stood up and internally debated. Does he let the handsome little  _ bitch,  _ who promised to go to sleep before three in the morning came, finally catch some z’s?

Or does he force Tooru up, make him put in the password on his phone, delete every fucking  _ pervert  _ on Tooru’s phone, and then smash it into pieces?

He looked down at Tooru’s (perfect) sleeping form through the dim light. It wasn’t his place to tell him what to do, (not that that ever stopped  _ Tooru  _ from bossing around Suga), and the tall brunette honestly looked like he just needed sleep.

So, against every screaming fiber in his body, Suga turned and walked out, and let him sleep, like he’s done so many times before.

_ Maybe I’m just overreacting, maybe it’s not that big of a deal,  _ Suga conversed with himself as he shut the door.  _ Maybe I’m just being jealous and it’s fine. _

_...no! Impossible! _

“It’s not fine!” Suga exclaimed to himself, walking into the kitchen where Shimizu was stirring something over the stove. The woman raised an eyebrow.

“What’s not fine?” She inquired, lowering the heat. Suga pouted.

“You know what.” He leaned his back against the counter, hands behind him on either side bracing him. “It’s gross, those are grown fucking m-”

Shimizu’s lips twisted into a frown as she reached up to a cabinet and pulled down two bowls. “He chooses to do it, Suga. He takes those pictures himself.”

“It’s stupid. If he wants to be told he’s pretty, why can’t he just ask me?”

Shimizu hummed, filling the bowls with the broth and adding some parsley on top.

“And it’s dangerous. And those people are sketchy-  _ Shimiiii, stop ignoring me!” _

The dark haired girl sighed. “You sound more like him everyday, maybe it’s a good thing he’s sleeping and you two aren’t spending more time together right now,” She teased, making Suga roll his eyes. The hazel-eyed boy grabbed a bowl and raised it to his lips, sipping quietly. 

“It’s a beautiful day,” She said softly after a few peaceful moments. There was a large window in the living room that morning sunlight was splashing through, giving a soft haze around the living room and open kitchen. Suga nodded his agreement.

He remembered being tucked against Tooru’s chest.

“Yeah, it is.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering why Tooru and Shimizu are called by their first names and Suga is not, it's simply because that's what they call each other in their friend group.


End file.
